I say this as a Canadian, mind you, but I truly believe y'all (see? I even have the slang down) are #1. There may not be a bigger collection of misfits assembled on planet earth than the 350 million of you (plus countless illegals) crammed between Canada and Mexico. It's wonderful. You're all so...weird.
And when the 4th of July rolls around every year, you get to rub your patriotism in the world's face...as if you didn't do that every other day of the year. But on the 4th, the best of the best of 'Merica seems to be on display. So we decided to compile the best you folks had to offer the world! Because what's an overly patriotic holiday without the rest of the world laughing at how much you love yourself, you psychopathic narcissists.
In any regard, we hope our brothers and sisters to the south enjoyed their independence thoroughly. I know we enjoyed watching y'all from a distance.
Do you have any amazingly 'Merican stories or pictures from the 4th of July? Share them with us in the comments section.
1. Shout out to France: the other country that pretends to hate Great Britain as much as 'Mericans do!
2. Umm, the EARTH was made 2016 years ago. NOT America. Idiots.
3. His bullets freed the symbol of freedom. Is anyone else crying tears of happiness?!
4. When it's a competition with only one competitor, you always win! 'MERICA!
5. Grease is the official smell of American freedom and independence.
6. "My son died for this country."
"No...seriously. He kept getting 'Merican flag sunburns, developed melanoma and died trying to prove his patriotism."
7. "Land of the home and free."
8. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him a six-pack of Corona Lite and see if he's able to finish even three." –Abraham Lincoln
9. DIABEETUS!
10. He ain't wrong.
11. The Independence Day version of the nativity scene is four drunk dudes and a half-naked third-cousin passed out around a bonfire with a newborn baby that could belong to any of them.
12. Imperialism in the 21st century: Memes and the devolution of language.
13. Actual portraits of past presidents. Amazing how much we've overcome as a nation.
14. He served three tours in Fallujah and has absolutely no time for these infantile pictures.
15. Does anyone else's Budweiser foam up because of the rumble from Black Hawk helicopters landing on your lawn?
16. Never forget, Canada. Never forget.
17. Your future, fatties!
18. Fireworks and pizza rolls are a recipe for disaster
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