16 Things You Learn When You Move Into Your First Apartment

George Carlin famously said, "That's why they call it the American dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."

I hate to break it to ya, but part of the American dream is moving out of your parents' house in your late teens or early twenties. Frankly, it's not all it's cracked up to be. BUT it has to happen. Eventually. Right?

So in order to soften the cold, harsh reality that is your first experience in an apartment, let's make some things abundantly clear in this article, shall we? Then, once you're done reading, you can decide if you're ready to be an independent adult and a fully functioning member of society.

1. This is, more or less, how your neighbor or flatmate will pay for any bills they owe you.

2. When your neighbor breaks up with his girlfriend while eating a bag of Cheetos. You'll get to hear AND see it.

3. Passive aggressive notes are all the rage.

4. Between scratching on the walls, barking, and incessant 3 a.m. meowing, your neighbors' pets will feel like your pets.

5. Things like this are suddenly your problem and ONLY your problem.

6. Anything not locked up is property of everyone. 

7. People will visit when you don't expect it, and you won't have any time to stage your apartment to make it look like you've got your shit together.

8. You will immediately begin planning ways to escape your inevitable murder.

9. Most things you see or encounter in hallways and lobbies, you'll never be able to explain.

10. Much like your New Year's resolution, your plans to "eat healthy" will default to ramen on day two.

11. The only pet you'll be able to afford is a dust bunny. There'll be lots, don't kid yourself.

12. This is what your apartment building's parking lot will look like. Always.

13. After having one party, a Rubik's cube and a cup of coffee not on a coaster will be as wild as any Saturday nights get at your place ever again.

14. This will be the extent of your interior decorating.

15. You won't be able to afford air conditioning. Trust me. After one bill, you'll understand.

16. Footsteps upstairs sound like the German soldiers marching into Poland circa 1939. Conversations downstairs will sound like rock concerts.

Main image via reddit / kzor

Collage images via 1. reddit / loseittowin 2. reddit / [deleted] 3. reddit / mgdick