Sure, I like sangria on a patio and not having to check a coat at the bar, but other than that, what's all the hype about?
Big hair and I really, REALLY care.
Chub Rub.
THICC thighs save lives, and I love it. But you know what I don't love? When I'm attempting to enjoy the season in a summer dress and suddenly it feels like I'm going to start a fire down there. I've experienced literal rug burns on the inside of my thighs from the moist environment.
Yeah, I said it. MOIST.
In an attempt to beat the heat, I had to rub corn starch on my inner thighs this morning. That's a low point.
Sweat. That is all.
My sweat is not sexy. My sweat is not J-Lo Glo. My sweat is not Beyoncé. My sweat makes people ask "are you sick?" or "do you need a towel?"
When it's one billion degrees outside, how am I supposed to keep it cool, let alone keep it sexy?
Candy canes, anyone?
If I'm not applying SPF 1000 every 30 seconds, it's game over. Why would one want to exist in a climate that can scorch their skin literally off their body?
Would you like to bathe in molten-hot lava while you're at it?
You spend four months swatting away these little creeps.
They're coming to land on your food, suck your blood, infest your picnic blanket, and sting your summer dreams away.
Makeup — and mental — breakdown.
Mascara has smeared, highlight has lost its glaze, contour has disappeared into thin air. How am I supposed to find a summer bae like dis?
No more leggings = no more LIES!
Once summer and dress season arrives, I must come to terms with the months of neglect my legs have endured, and accept the harsh reality that I'm going to need a bigger razor.
Your allergies suck your joy.
Hot sleeps literally ruin your life.
*hot sleep cries ensue*
Everyone's in Europe, literally everyone. No, literally, everyoneis in Europe.
If I see one more aesthetic Insta of someone standing on an old bridge/cobblestone street or with a miscellaneous European pastry/obscure fashion accessory, I'mma set myself ablaze.
Summer TV is craaaaaaaap.
One more episode of Big Bang Theory, anyone?
The relentless pressure to always be doing something.
But summer? All bets are off. "Omigosh!!! It's a beautiful day, get outside and enjoy the weather!" they say. But, like, how though?
When all you really wanna do is stay inside and eat a bag of Doritos in bed, the world shames you for not eating it outside on a picnic blanket aftera hike onthe beach beforea bike ride! Can't an indoor girl live?!
Your ass is the hottest spot in town.
In summer, no surface is to be trusted. I don't like living like that.
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