Having a baby is a big deal. So it's no wonder that people want to go all out when it comes to traditions like baby showers, maternity photos, and gender reveals.
However, it's a period of immense change, excitement, and, perhaps, a loss of sanity...which explains some of the following ridiculousness...
1. When they commissioned this cake featuring a fetus swimming in a gelatinous blob
I'm not someone to ever pass up an opportunity to eat cake, but I'm definitely not eating a slice of that...
2. When the labor period became a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark
Don't look directly at it, Doctor Jones. Some people never recover from a sight like that...
3. When they served finger food in the form of fondant infants
"Do you know what would make our baby shower really special? If we simulated the experience of eating newborn babies!"
4. When their before-and-after maternity photos literally scarred the internet for life
Seriously, wtf is this?! That baby finally made its way out, and now it's gotta hang out in a chiffon net for another hour...
5. When their maternity shoot looked like the dress rehearsal for Cats
I just don't understand why this would ever be a thing. Also, the circle of life was a concept for The Lion King and they are leopards...smh.
6. When the gender reveal took place in the fires of Mordor
Okay, this one is actually pretty great. Hopefully, the actual labor isn't as messy as the scene where the Uruk-hai are birthed...
7. When not even goats could escape from the expectation of maternity photos
That pose in the bottom picture is a little scandalous if you ask me. I guess you've got to balance classy and trashy...
8. When the cake got way too real for comfort
What is up with this obsession with eating your own young? I can't deal with this. Look at how realistic the ear is! LOOK AT IT!
9. When this couple made everyone eat their rigid ideas about gender roles
I hate to break it to you guys, but the only gun my brother's ever used is a glitter gun...
10. When someone pitched this idea to Oreo
Also, what are those flavors even supposed to be?! I haven't gotten over the traumatic experience that was "fireworks" Oreos — I'm not ready for girl- and boy-flavored cookies!
11. When someone took the liberty of creating an edible soiled diaper
I know everyone says "no one ever eats the cake," but I EAT THE CAKE, PEOPLE! Cake is the only reason I attend baby showers, and I do not appreciate this!
12. This couple who made their gender announcement offishal
It's this type of stuff that makes me think everyone should just leave the sex of their child a surprise until birth.
13. When a perfectly good pizza was ruined with black olives
I guess the lower half is still salvageable, but I still find this highly offensive. It's worse than any of the cakes so far.
14. When this couple switched up the gender roles...okay, you got me, I like this one...
Wouldn't it be nice if this was actually possible? "Sorry, hunny, I had the first kid, the second one's all on you."
15. When they...no, sorry, I don't even know what's happening in this one
Is it a strange woolen tree? Is she supposed to be mother earth? Is she having a swamp baby? So many questions...
16. When someone thought it was a good idea to carve an infant's head out of cantaloupe
I love me some fruit salad, especially when it has kiwi, but I would not touch this in a million years.
17. When we were given this very realistic representation of childbirth in fondant form
I'm sorry, but that's the head of a thirty year old man, not a baby — this is all very disturbing.
18. When they presented us with this very terrible creation
All I can say is that I hope when baby Ethan comes out, he looks nothing like this E.T. Lord Voldemort-like monstrosity.
19. When this soon-to-be-mom, decided to give her husband a little scare
I know it sucks not being able to drink for at least nine months, but apple juice tastes better than Budwiser anyways.
20. When this pregnant couple got really into arts and crafts
Oh my god, this is extremely unsettling. But also, I like it. But I also hate myself for liking it.
21. When this expecting mother took Halloween heebie-jeebies to a whole other level
Looks like Kuato from Total Recall has abandoned the mutant resistance in order to go trick-or-treating this year....
22. When this couple placed some high-stakes bets
Here's hoping that the baby is cuter than the husband. Although, I must say, he is rocking that salmon halter dress like no other!
23. When this couple did a gender reveal party using Hershey's and Hershey's
"Hey guys, I got nuts in mine, does that mean it's a boy?" This is seriously over the top, but you get to eat chocolate, so you can't really complain.
24. When this baby shower took a disturbing turn
Who on earth thought it would be a "cute" idea to freeze plastic babies in ice and make their guests drink them in fruit punch?!
Look, people, not everything at your baby shower has to be baby themed! Especially when it's something to be ingested or imbibed! Drinking and eating babies is just plain creepy!
25. When this future dad had to add major insult to injury
There's nothing like having your face associated with the feeling of being ripped in half and turned inside out!
26. When this couple illustrated their child's conception with buttercream icing sperms
Who could have predicted that the dessert table would be so well suited to a lesson in human reproduction?
27. When this happened...and none of us were never the same again
Why? Just why? There are so many other ways you could have done a Christmas pregnancy announcement — any of which would have been less terrifying than this!
28. When this little girl expressed how we all feel about pregnancy announcements
I wish I could smash all the cakes in this article like this girl is smashing that blackboard.
For the love of god, people, stop!
No more fondant placenta! No more creepy maternity photoshoots! No more cakes that will haunt my dreams for eternity! But still, congrats and all...
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