15 Examples Of The Way We Date Now... And How To Deal With Them

Dating can get real confusing, real fast. But was it always this way?

We live in a day and age where it seems there are unspoken “rules” about texting, calling, and telling people what we actually want.

Where we can upload our photo on a dating site within seconds... but it can take years to actually have a real connection with someone.

Where we have to act uninterested even if we find them fascinating. We wonder if we’ll seem too “needy” if we tell someone we like them, so we say nothing but second-guess what the heck is going on.


Is it getting us anywhere?

Dating is supposed to be fun! It’s a time where we can find out more about who we are and what we want. And even though it's confusing, there are some tips we can keep in mind to make dating a little less chaotic. Here are 15 ways we date nowadays…and how to try and deal with it all.

1. We don’t know what we’re looking for.

Going into the dating pool without knowing what you're looking for is like going to The Keg for a steak while you’re still deciding if you’re a vegetarian... eventually you have to make a decision. Sure, you can figure out some preferences along the way — maybe you like spending your Saturdays rock climbing and mountain biking with your partner, or perhaps you’d prefer to spend the day cuddling up and reading good books. But when it comes to the big questions, like if you want kids down the road, it’s important to have a good understanding of where you stand.

2. We avoid going on dates because we’re scared.

Sometimes that little pessimistic voice in the back of our head can get a bit too loud. What if he doesn’t show up? What if I have a bad time? Will he find me funny? Enough with the questions! Pull back your shoulders, remind yourself that you are awesome, and take a risk. He’s probably just as scared as you are, and you never know where it could lead.

3. We try to re-connect with exes.

It’s easy to forget why you broke up with an ex, especially when something reminds you of him and the flashbacks of all the great memories you shared start flowing. But if it ended, it was probably for a good reason. Focus on moving forward, not looking back.

4. We make excuses.

Remember the book/movie, He’s Just Not That Into You? It had a kinda harsh but nonetheless important message – sometimes there is a simple reason for why he isn’t calling: he’s just not that into you. It sucks, it hurts, and it’s often confusing. But for the exact reason that every guy you meet isn’t the perfect fit for you, you aren’t the perfect fit for every guy. Better to save your time and effort looking for someone who will appreciate you rather than pining away for someone who just isn’t that into you.

5. We don’t talk about where the relationship is heading.

It can be scary to talk about where the relationship is going, but if you don’t ask you’ll never know… and you may find yourself six months down the road wondering what exactly the two of you are — friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, exclusive? Make sure to ask yourself what you want from the relationship and see if he is on the same page. It will save a lot of confusion down the road.

6. We think we need to sleep with guys too soon.

Just because we live in a culture that constantly idolizes sex on the first date doesn’t mean you need to join in. If you don’t want to sleep with him right away (or at all) there’s one solution: don’t! If he's the right guy, he’ll understand that the decision is one that the two of you can make together — and he can either accept that or you can move on.

7. We try to turn him into something he’s not.

Sure, people can change over time. But they can’t become a new person. It’s alright if you hope the guy you're dating will become a bit neater or take more initiative when it comes to planning dates — those are changes he can get better at over time. But if you’re dating someone you secretly want to become a completely different person, it’s a sign that you should probably move on.

8. We have unrealistic goals.

When our Facebook feeds seem like they're constantly full of engagement photos and baby showers, it’s easy to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. But just because people say you should be engaged and married by a certain age doesn’t mean that’s the only option.

We can’t always predict the timing of everything (even if we wish we could!), so instead of wasting your energy on things you can’t control, focus on the things you can — and stop comparing yourself to everyone around you.

9. We nix a guy over the smallest reasons.

“He doesn’t like to watch Scandal with me.” “He’s only 5’11" and I need someone over 6 feet.” “I don’t like his style in shoes.”

We get it — you have an ideal man you're looking for. But you can’t veto all the guys that don’t perfectly resemble Brad Pitt. You never know — that 5’11" guy could be way sweeter and funnier than the guy who's 6’1". It’s important to date people for the things that won’t change — their characteristics, values, and how they treat others.

10. We rely only on dating websites.

Sure, putting yourself online can be a great way to meet people. But it isn’t the only way. You need to get out in the real world! Try joining a new class or hanging out with a different group of people every once in a while — you never know where it could lead.

11. Or we only rely on meeting people organically.

With people’s busy schedules, nowadays we need to be trying to meet people both online and in person.

Maybe you’ll bump into someone while ordering your morning coffee... but it’s not guaranteed. If you want to meet new people, you have to try new activities anddating sites — you never know where you may find your dream guy.

12. We create “texting rules.”

"If he texts twice in a row, he’s too desperate. And if he uses an emoji – he’s waaaay too desperate." Um... what?! When did we start creating these ridiculous rules about how the length, time, and use of emojis indicates anything besides the fact he likes a good smiley face every once in a while?

13. Or we create “phone rules.”

Same rules for texting apply to phone calls: don’t create mythical rules for the sake of it! Maybe he’ll call you 15 minutes after the date to tell you he had a great time. Maybe he’ll call you two days after to ask you out again. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to call... so long as he calls when he says he will.

14. We don’t let go.

It’s hard not to compare a new guy we're dating to an old boyfriend — it’s a natural reaction to analyze their similarities and differences. But it’s important to remind yourself that the new guy sitting across from you at dinner is a completely different person with his own interests, values, and strengths. When you let go of all the rules of how you think things should be, you can explore how amazing things could be.

15. We worry too much.

With all these "rules” we’ve created over the years, it’s easy to worry too much. Should I call? Should he call? What if we’re both waiting for the other person to call? So many questions! Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath, relax, and just let it happen.

Main and collage image via Glamour