Farts Reveal A Lot About Someone's Health

We all know the real icebreaker in any relationship, and it's not the first kiss; it's being able to fart in front of each other and not run screaming into the hills.

If a rump-shaker squeezes out without killing the romance, you know you've got something serious.

But those one-gun salutes can show up at some seriously awkward times and make your life genuinely uncomfortable. So what's going on down there?

The truth is a little more complicated than you might think, but it's not all bad news.

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Whether you're overtaken by thigh-shuddering rippers or blaming the pets for your silent assassins, there are two causes of farts: swallowing air, and your diet.

What you eat has the biggest effect on how often you dust the crops – and how it smells.

The main offenders are raisins, lentils, prunes, apples, cabbage, broccoli, and, of course, beans.

When your stomach finishes its digestive work, those foods pass into the colon, where microbes break them down.

That process produces the gas that will erupt just as the room goes quiet when your in-laws are visiting. 

But even though you might be clearing out the room, it's not a bad sign for your body.

The microbes that fuel your Dutch oven are actually taking nutrients from the foods they break down – they're getting healthier and more efficient, which makes you healthier. 

There are, of course, a few exceptions and some things to keep a nose out for.

The frequency of your gut thunder tells a story. On average, women daintily whisper between seven and 12 times a day. 

Men tend to peel off the paint more often: 14 to 25 times a day.

If you're firing off tear-jerkers more frequently, without eating those power foods, you might have a medical condition.

More often it's a food intolerance or a temporary condition like constipation. In rare cases, it could be IBS or celiac disease. Either way, it's not a bad idea to consult your doctor.

The type of farts you unleash – hopefully not in an elevator – tell part of the tale too. Explosive farts might be more bark than bite and just relieve pressure.

And there's more to those bombs that haunt office chairs and car seats. 

They might stink like a beached whale in month-old mayonnaise, but the bacteria that make them actually reduce the overall amount of gas.

The surprising truth is that the majority of farts sneak out undetected, an odorless release of carbon or hydrogen.

The real stinkers come with sulfur attached.

So if you feel like more vapor ninjas have been sneaking out than they should, don't panic.

Chances are, it's more a matter of perception than anything.

However, if you can't shake the thought that you're driving friends and family into hiding with an uncontrollable all-out assault, there are strategies you can use to reduce your impact.

Keep a food diary to identify any food intolerances that might be adding lightning to your thunder, or consider some over-the-counter treatments. If those don't work, or you're experiencing pain or a swollen abdomen, then it's time to talk to your doctor.

In the end, although the occasional blast might leave you red-cheeked, it's not the end of the world. It's actually a sign that your body is doing exactly what it should be doing.

Eat well and be good to your bum, no matter how it rumbles, and it will be good to you.

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Main image via iFunny

Collage image via Raindrops of Sapphire