Like most people, I believe that way deep down, I am unique. You know, I'm not like other girls. But 30 minutes into scrolling Instagram AND WOW I AM LITERALLY EVERY GIRL.
Turns out I have a lot more in common with y'all than I thought. Which is good. That means I have more shoulders to cry on.
1. Yeah, that one can stay on the rack.
I don't even browse through clothing anymore, I browse through price tags.
Why? Because there's only so much disappointment my little heart can take.
2. First of all, rude. Second of all, how dare you?
I literally had three friends edit that paragraph before hitting send and you have the audacity to respond with three measly letters?
Boy, bye.
3. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle choice.
Let me tell you something: healthy eating is all about balance.
A salad for lunch and 36 peanut butter cups for dinner is the perfect equilibrium.
4. WHY DO I ALWAYS FALL FOR LIBRAS?!
Wow, great, can't wait for him to be emotionally detached from our relationship and hold a grudge against me for something I did three years ago.
Match made in heaven.
5. Knowing deep down that this guy is a waste of makeup.
Every bone in my body is telling me that he's bad news.
Now, where did I put my lip gloss?
6. I don't know how the girls on Pinterest do it.
I'm starting to wonder if the women on Pinterest are even real people.
Because it baffles me how other female humans can rock a low pony and not look like Thomas Jefferson.
7. "Let's catch up, I have so much to tell you."
A real BFF is someone you can sit in complete silence with while you DM each other memes as if you aren't two feet away from one another.
8. "I love you, but you need to cremate that Aeropostale sweater."
If he can crack jokes about my ripped jeans, I can inform him of exactly which sweatshirts should've been left in 2009.
9. Trust me, you don't. I'm the worst.
1) I told you I wasn't interested, and 2) I'll literally ruin your life so please, let it be.
I'm doing you a favor here.
10. "Hold on, let me get comfortable."
Imma need a warm blanket, a snack, and a whole lotta tea before we dive into this scandal.
This is one hundred times spicier than Riverdale.
11. I'm sorry, what part of "k bye" did you not understand?
That's obviously an invitation to continue the conversation, preferably where you beg for my forgiveness or generally resume giving me attention.
12. God bless you, sweety!
Finally, I'm a part of the Bratz pack.
Just to be clear though, you're saying I'm like Cloe, not Dana or some other second-generation Bratz doll, right?
13. "Oh. That's fine. I didn't even put my makeup on yet."
In reality, I'm wiping off my $50 foundation (along with my tears) and googling ways to put a hex on someone who's done me wrong.
14. Yeah no, Imma need like 45 more minutes here.
You might as well park the car and get comfortable on the couch because I am about 14 steps away from my finishing spray.
15. Wow, my skin is flawless today, I don't even need a filt— NVM.
Facetune and Snapchat filters have completely destroyed my self-perception. Who am I without them?
I don't know that person.
16. And finally, trying to hold together the strong, confident woman you know you are.
Even when recognizing that no, you don't have a handle on this.
But don't worry, girl. The rest of us are right there with ya.
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