How do billion dollar corporations let these ad campaigns happen?
This should be Advertising 101: Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER ask people on the internet for their opinions on anything... oh, and also never, ever, ever, ever, EVER insinuate that pancakes covered in syrup, topped with whipped cream look a lot like a woman's breasts. Just don't do it.
The pancake-breast thing will make sense shortly but here's a teaser: IHOP tweeted it.
While I may not understand why it seems as though social media accounts for large companies are run by people who have never been on the internet before, I will say that it makes for some GOLD comedy. So keep it up, multinationals. You're making my job easier and A LOT funnier.
1. But the Blackberry's security features are SO good!
2. RIP Bic customer service reps.
Apparently, the big wigs at the billion dollar stationery company didn't think the fine, reasonable, forgiving people of Twitter would have any problems insinuating that women, ON NATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, would have a problem being told that to be a boss and succeed at business, they needed to think more like a man.
3. Coca Cola Tweets Mein Kampf
Coca Cola decided to turn tweets into cute ASCII art using the hashtag #MakeItHappy. Naturally, the internet spammed the campaign with quotes from Mein Kampf. This cute little balloon animal dog actually spells out: "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for White Children."
4. #AskSeaWorld — Part 1 of 2
Oh, a public forum where you can ask a company that 99% of the world HATES anything you want? Let's watch the notifications roll in. Believe it or not, Sea World makes things even WORSE in the next picture.
5. #AskSeaWorld — Part 2 of 2
In what is arguably Sea World's greatest "Wait, what? They actually did that?" moment, their social media account decided to insinuate that people questioning the animals' welfare were internet trolls who were "jacking" their hashtag campaign.
6. Porn Hub and ZzzQuil make depraved #MLKDay Tweets
As a white male in my 20s who is probably not going to do anything particularly progressive on #MLKDay, the least I can do is follow Porn Hub's lead.
7. Everyone loves cops, right?
I personally don't have a problem with cops, but let's be honest, a LOT of people do. So when the perceived class bully asks you to tell him about how he makes you feel, don't expect things to go over smoothly.
8. IHOP brings locker room talk to Twitter.
Okay, in my world, pancakes topped with whipped cream and maple syrup that look eerily like a woman's areolas is FUNNY! But I'm a meat-head comedy writer for the internet. 99% of what I find funny, the Twitterverse finds oppressive. Case in point...
9. More like IWOW Jima.
Yes, comparing the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima — a battle in which 6,800 American servicemen lost their lives — to a basketball game was something Under Armor put into production.
10. #IAteTheBones
I am torn here. On one hand, I'm like, well what did KFC expect to happen? On the other hand, I'm thinking that KFC knew exactly where people's minds would go when they read #IAteTheBones and they knew this would guarantee the KFC brand will be all over the 6 o'clock news just as people decide what to do for dinner.
11. Mass shooting vs. mass savings
Shortly after the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, the rampant narcissists over at @celebboutique decided that the only way for America to get over tragedy was to buy cute clothes made in Bangladesh.
12. #StarbucksSoWhite
Speaking of tragedy whoring, next on the list is the Starbucks #RaceTogether campaign. They decided to corporatize deteriorating race relations in America by forgetting to include anyone who wasn't white in their ad campaign.
13. ALDI's first day on the internet. So cute and clueless.
I'm guessing that by the third tweet, the fifth draft of ALDI's new social media customer relations manual was being written.
14. Victoria's Secret outdoing themselves again
In this one specific case, can we get away with saying that they were asking for it?
My face throughout this entire article.
Except I'm white.
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