No matter how nice you are, some deep, dark part of you knows how fun it is to talk shit. Some of the best memories you and your friends can have involve saying some of the most heinous shit you've never wanted to repeat to anyone else.
But remember not to get too cocky — that fine prime rib you're fixin' to serve up can burn if you're not careful. By that, I mean that even the nastiest roast can get shut down in an instant by a brutal clapback.
So to make sure that all the pointing and laughing is happening away from you, you might wanna study up on these 23 merciless comebacks.
1. Ooooh, homie's 'bout to have that pouty face after that one.
I'm talking six-year-old-who-dropped-his-ice-cream-cone level here.
2. Haha, I like Eric's style so much that I won't even correct his grammar.
And trust me, I really want to correct his grammar.
3. Daaaaamn, Marco got shut down by the facts!
Now we've learned not to fuck with this dude when he says "hell nah." Just trust and you might even live long to pee a million times.
And if that's not a life goal, I don't know what is.
4. For real, that person's lucky they don't live in a horror movie.
Otherwise, the next reply they'd get would be something like, "Please ignore him. There's definitely nobody standing behind you right now."
5. If you're gonna talk shit about Wendy's, don't do it on Twitter or they will find you.
Nobody wants to look like a lame to the whole world and especially not if it means getting burned by a fast food restaurant.
6. And don't think Wendy's won't throw those hands just because you've got your own burger chain.
Burger King, McDonald's, In-N-Out, anybody can get it.
7. And it's not just Wendy's you have to watch out for either.
Some of these places will even slide in your DMs.
8. OK, I know this one's long, but trust me, it's worth it.
If you're in a hurry, I'd recommend at least reading the part about the mixtape.
9. For a second I thought he was just being weirdly harsh. It turns out he's a weatherman.
Just wanted to save you fine folks from the confusion and frustration I went through.
10. Haha, that is some class-A curving going on there.
He ain't passing "Go" and he ain't collecting shit!
11. I gotta say, he walked right into that one.
The only thing is robbers don't usually ask for loans, but I'm just being a nerd.
12. For real, kid's only seven and already knows how to roast the whole class.
In a perfect world, there'd be a gifted program for talking shit.
13. I really, really hope this is the same kid from the last one.
Although, I guess we didn't all just wake up one day and figure out how to be smartasses.
14. Shiiiit, only the best clapbacks make you regret all your life decisions.
15. Well, I guess that's close to dirty talk.
You're pretty slick when you can pretty much give 'em what they want but let all the air out of their balloon while you do it.
16. Yeah, I think that relationship is staying over.
I don't know, call it a hunch.
17. Daaaamn, grandma's throwing shade on
two generations!
18. Ouch, she's gonna need to hold this L.
I think I had to read that like three times to get what she was talking about.
19. Well, now the homie's learned two lessons.
Don't tell mama shit and don't fuck with grandma.
20. Hahaha, that "shall I" adds a touch of class to the whole affair.
It makes it sound like she posed for a portrait instead of just taking a selfie.
21. Really, she walked right into that one.
Oh wait, I guess I should say "those ones." Damn, they're not even a minute apart, either.
22. Well, he can't be doing too bad a job if they can hit him with those educated clapbacks.
23. Nice burn and all, but she probably won't reply either now.
Actually, I think we're getting a good sense of why that other girl stopped talking to you.
