18 Reasons Why Girls Hate Online Dating

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The day I became single was April 1st, 2012, so naturally, when I got the phone call from my cheating boyfriend to inform me that he was dumping me, I assumed it was a horrible prank...fast-forward to 30 seconds later (yeah, his phone call lasted just as long as he did in bed), as I'm crying my face off... it wasn't a prank at all and my ex-boyfriend is just a complete doucheface. A few months after the breakup, my girlfriends convinced me to get Tinder (and a regretful account on POF) because according to my friends, the only way to get over somebody is to get under someone else, or at least THINK about getting under someone else.

Fast-forward to almost three full years of wild, free, and fun singledom (more like lots of bottles of wine, Netflix on repeat, two-liter ice cream buckets, PJs, unshaven legs, and a sore thumb from the Tindering), and I've come across some of the weirdest, strangest, and funniest people in the world of online dating. 


This, ladies and gentleman, has been the world I've called my "love life" for the past 2 years. Granted, it made me laugh consistently throughout those 2 years and hopefully you'll get a good chuckle at my pain:

1. This guy who looks like he has the male genitalia tattooed on his bicep and a very eloquent bio.

2. This girl whose entire profile is just wrong. 

3. This guy who just learned he should never make an offer that a girl couldn't refuse and then not do it.

4. This awesome and hilarious pickup line almost landed him a nudie. Take note, men. 

5. This guy who decides to start a conversation like a douchebag first.

6. Pickup lines are just a risk you have to take in the online dating world.

7. I obviously swiped right. Jk.

8. I am Khaleesi, I don't sit on just any face.

9. So, that Tinder moment definitely happened...and I definitely left swiped it.

10. People still do that?! 

11. No, Jacob, no we wouldn't.

12. I was about to swipe right for science...and for the free nachos and booze. 

13. Easy there, Canada.

14. This is why you don't let your friends swipe for you on Tinder.

15. Guys on Tinder seem to have an oral fixation. I shouldn't really be complaining, but tone it down a notch...or five.

16. This was actually the funniest thing I've seen in a while. I swiped right.

17. At least he got the message.

18. Mr. Tall Charming and Funny makes me want to punch happy unicorns in the face.

These are the reasons I've deleted every form of online dating possible. Now you understand my pain.