1. If only there was a screen he could watch this concert on for free...
2. It pays to succeed.
3. All the hard labor is done and what's left is pure profit.
That's the real gift, my friend.
4. Nothing says "I love you" quite like a gas station thong from your father.
5. This is a perfect example of when the thought does not count.
6. Get well wishes well wasted.
7. The only way to celebrate is to bake a cake.
8. Turns out that some people need to think before they speak.
9. Actual look of pure disappointment.
10. Well, he probably didn't.
11. Sometimes, love hurts.
12. I wish it worked this way.
13. Some gifts are better left ungiven.
14. It's too late to apologize.
15. When you're halfway there, but you're also living on a prayer.
16. When the laundry becomes your blankets.
17. When you want to engage with the movie, but moving is overrated.
18. A pillow would be much more comfortable, but getting one probably requires effort.
19. Frying pans can be plates, right?
20. Yo, I don't know why you're complaining.
A pistachio shell may not be from the sea, but it's a shell nonetheless, ya scalawag.
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