Every mom knows the frustration and futility of trying to keep a tidy house — especially when that house is also home to more than one pre-schooler. Writer and mom of three, Heidi Hamm, knows the mayhem well. A self-confessed control freak, Heidi found staying on top of everything a daily battle, until the one day a comment by her husband changed everything.
"For years I would spend a few minutes every night, cleaning up after my kids," Heidi wrote in an astonishingly honest Facebook post.
"I would hate to calculate just how many hours of my life have been spent picking up toys. A heck of a lot. Too many."
Like many moms, keeping a tidy — or at the very least, a not totally out of control — house was important for reasons other than cleanliness.
"It's the one thing in my life that I feel like I have complete control over," she wrote. "If my environment is organized, life is just, better."
But, she explained, maintaining a tidy house is a tough call when you’ve got three young children.
"I love them. So much. They're amazing little humans. But they're messy."
Heidi was losing the battle for control over the toy room.
"I was exhausted. Which is a common state for me."
Then one night, Heidi’s husband walked in and discovered her on her hands and knees, color-coordinating the Lego.
Yep, color. cooridinating. Lego.
He finally said something that would change the way Heidi looked at parenting forever.
"Why don't you just shut the door?" He asked.
At first, Heidi didn’t get it.
"I stared up at him," she wrote. "I had been expecting him to join me on the floor, sifting through the mountain of Lego. Instead he offered me those seven words."
But after a few seconds of thinking about it, she wrote, it all became clear.
"Apparently it was all I needed. I got up and closed the door."
Heidi realized that in her desperation to maintain the state of her home, she had neglected the one thing that was the most important — herself.
For her own happiness and sanity she would have to close the door — not just the door to the toy room, but also the door to her aspirations of perfection.
"It's so easy to lose yourself in taking care of everyone else," she explained in her Facebook post.
"But self care? Yeah, it’s not so easy. It takes time, and energy and asking for help."
But what, exactly, is self care?
According to Heidi: "Self care is hiding a stash of chocolate bars and keeping them all for yourself. Self care is turning on Netflix for the kids so you can drink your coffee. Hot. Self care is putting the kids to bed early and cuddling with hubby on the couch."
And in her own case, self care was closing a door.
As soon as Heidi began to put aside the notion of a completely controlled home, the anxiety and stress fell away.
And Heidi revealed that it’s not just her own emotional health that has improved with her new 'close the door' mantra.
"So now? The kids clean the play room once a week. Not me. Them. The other 95% of the time? It looks like this. And that's okay."
Since Heidi shared her story, women from around the world have posted their own 'shutting the door' stories and comments of support.
It seems for many women, letting go is the key to happiness.
Making the decision to do something as simple as shutting a door, Heidi said, opens your life to so much more.
"Because this shut door in my life? Is one that I can live with."
You can read the full post at Her View From Home on Facebook.
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