16 Boozy Drinks That Really Speak To You

Do you ever get the feeling that the world speaks to you in subtle ways? Like when you see an ad for something you've wanted and the person's name in the ad is also your name. Or when you're furiously masturbating for the sixth time that day and suddenly the woman on the screen looks like your mom, sister, or worst of all, grandma. The worst, right?

Well booze often has the same subtle messages for us, you just have to be paying attention. 

However, the adult beverages I was able to find had messages written in them but with none of the aforementioned subtlety. Like what else could a bottle of "Fatalone" wine be telling you for Chrissake? 

Anyways, it's almost the weekend (and if you're reading this on a Tuesday, well, to hell with it, drink regardless) and to inspire the inner demons that resurrect themselves when Friday at roughly 5 p.m. rolls around, here are four whole pages of boozy spirit animals to get that party animal in you making bad decisions.

Cheers!

p.s. I wrote all the captions as if they were advertisements. Hope you enjoy them, you beautiful drunk people, you.

1. Our shots eventually turn into hits. 

2. The vodka that never gets whiskey dick.

3. The apocalypse has never looked or tasted so appealing.

4.  For days you want to liberate your liver of all non-alcoholic life.

5. For those confusing nights you want to feel like a sexually ambiguous vampire.

6. This rum guarantees to make you hung. Hungover.

7. Drink when she's bitter. Drink to celebrate when she's not.

8. Guarantee you'll score tonight. Drink Vergina.

9. It's cuter when puppies do it.

10. For when you need to send a message to your Polish neighbors.

11. The quickest way to turn a 6 into a 9.

12. Smile and wink. She'll get the point...or the cops.

13. Is...is my alcohol calling me out?

14. Don't bend over.

15. Voted best beer in Chechnya, Georgia and Crimea, two-years running.

16. Two things you can't have just one of: wives and Polygamy Porter.

Main image via THE SCOTSMAN

Collage images via 1. reddit / JaVeDK 2. flickr / izatrini_com 3. Twitter / @LouisPierreWijn