14 Reasons To Trust No One

When I was first learning to walk, my parents decided to test my ability to balance and manoeuvre on my wobbly, fat legs by putting a small garbage can in my path. Have you ever seen a baby first learn to walk? It's pathetic. Nevertheless, they decided to test me. I failed. I hit the can, fell into it, it toppled over and I came rolling out. I cried like I had been shot. I think it was the first moment in my life I felt my dignity hurt. I know this because my parents have this moment on VHS and I've relived it over and over again.

The point I am trying to make here is my experiences in life have taught me that I can't even trust my parents. Let alone friends or a teacher or a government. Which leads us to the article at hand. 14 People Who Are SUCKERS.

Don't be a sucker, kids. Be smart. Trust no one or nothing...except the ratings on porn videos.

1. Women have unreasonable expectations these days, fam. Smh

2. "Ignore me and I will find you." –Cat

3. "This ganja is lit, fam. Hot sauce grits taco!" –Hillary.

4. A riveting story titled: Never trust a White Girl. 

By username: @brhuge

5. "What's the Track Me app on my phone?"

6. Midgets Rise Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

7. I fully expected an army of old Italians in every grocery store across the nation making these by hand.

8. Two things: 1) WTF is "sike"? Do you mean Psych?

2) The last time this "prank" got played on me, I bought a one-way ticket to Alaska and was about to board the plane before I found out it was a joke. 

9. Don't go outside. You just can't trust the internet to treat you like a real human being with feelings.

But man, that's hilarious.

10. When she looks fine on Tinder but forgets to mention she's got two right feet.

11. Can't even trust nature these days. 

12. Half my newsfeed is pictures of my adult friends teaching kids followed by pictures from a rave last weekend.

13. If she's going to make you pose for all those "cute" photos, you gotta get in some photos for yourself.

14. He replied with "Laughs" when asked what he was going to bring to the potluck.