But you don't always feel bad, now do you?
And you can probably find a lot of reasons to excuse those bad feelings too.
We do this all the time.
We remember why we love someone, why they're in our lives, why we can't possibly let them go...
But we can, and sometimes, we really should. But when? How do we know when a relationship is at that point of no return?
When it becomes toxic.
You might be wondering how you know when this has happened, though. That's why I'm writing this: It can be really hard to tell sometimes. So, take a read through these questions. When you get to the end, it'll be much clearer.
Did I miss anything? Let me know in the COMMENTS.
1. Are you or your partner passive-aggressive?
Passive-aggressiveness has no place in a healthy relationship. If you're the one being passive-aggressive, ask yourself why. What are you afraid of happening if you open up and be honest with this person? If your partner is passive-aggressive, this is a sign they're not comfortable sharing the full story with you and that's a problem. Even in seemingly small doses, passive-aggressiveness is where toxicity starts. It breeds miscommunication and feeds into uncertainties.
2. Are there a lot of ups and downs in your relationship?
There are two types of relationships: Ones that are healthy and ones that are not. The ones that are healthy are much like car rides: You agree to go somewhere together and you both put effort into making that happen. Maybe one person drives while the other navigates or makes sure everyone has snacks. Maybe you share the driving duties to keep things balanced. The point is: The ride is smooth. No one's slamming on the brakes, making dangerous decisions, or compromising safety. You move at a consistent pace and take the corners that come with ease.
Unhealthy relationships are more like roller coaster rides: You're hanging on for dear life, unable to even guess what's ahead, and you're unsure of your safety...even though you're trying to convince yourself this thrill is fun.
Unhealthy relationships are more like roller coaster rides: You're hanging on for dear life, unable to even guess what's ahead, and you're unsure of your safety...even though you're trying to convince yourself this thrill is fun.
3. Does thinking about your future together cause stress?
It really shouldn't. Chances are, if it is, your relationship is already pretty stressful in and of itself. You're unsure about the future for a reason. Trust your intuition here.
4. Are there more critiques than compliments in your relationship?
When a relationship reaches nit-picking levels (where nothing seems to be quite right or good enough), you need to re-evaluate. Your relationship should always build you up rather than bring you down. If it's at the point where you're judging and criticizing every little thing or being judged and criticized, it's toxic.
5. Are you or your partner overly jealous?
If you had to ask what is considered "overly" jealous, it's likely this is a problem in your relationship. Jealousy fuels toxicity. It comes from a lack of trust, understanding, and consideration. It starts fights and feeds insecurities. It's got to go. So, if you two can't let the other have some alone time or time out with friends or family, it's time to think about jealousy's role in your relationship.
6. Do you genuinely trust your partner to be there for you?
You really should be able to. If you can't, you need to ask yourself why. Are you afraid to let them in, or are you afraid they won't be there if you do? Have they let you down in the past? These are all things to consider. Just remember: Healthy relationships are ones based on this level of trust. If it's not there, neither is a sense of stability and security.
7. Do you feel happy?
You should. Well, at least more often than not. If you don't, ask yourself what emotions are getting in the way of that and why. Are you sad, mad, frustrated, worried? Where does this stem from? Of course it's unrealistic to expect every single second together to be all smiles and laughs, but at the end of the day (and start!) relationships should nourish and enrich your life. End of.
8. Do you still get excited about seeing your partner?
Obviously it won't be the same level of excitement as when you first met, but you should still at least want to see them. If you're dreading it, putting it off, or making excuses for not doing it as much as you used to, that's a red flag. If you're taking a deep breath in before opening the door to see them at the end of the day, that's a sure sign toxicity has crept into your relationship.
9. Do you worry about what your partner is doing when you're not around?
If you do, chances are you've lost trust and faith in them. On the other hand, maybe you've lost that trust and faith in yourself and this makes you suspicious of where they're at loyalty-wise as well. Either way, it's time to re-evaluate.
10. Are both of you on the same page?
If you're not, your communication isn't working the way it should be. You should know where you stand with the person you spend your life with...and they should know where they stand with you too. One way to move in this direction is just to start talking. Talk about your feelings for each other, your personal and couple goals, and where you want to work towards — together.
11. Are you ever afraid about how your partner is going to react?
This is a red flag worth paying very close attention to. While it's normal not to know how someone will react in every single situation, it's never okay to live in fear of what may come. If you're afraid, your relationship is toxic. End of.
12. Does this relationship add value to and enrich your life?
It should. Always. If it isn't, it's very likely it's emotionally draining you instead. There's a reason for this.
13. Do your family and friends like who you are with?
It's unreasonable to expect every single person in your life to be as in love with your partner as you are, but if you're hearing a lot of negative feedback or your family and friends have decided they don't really want this person around, they're tired of listening to your relationships woes, and they simply can't stop criticizing this person, it's time to think things over. Family and friends are our biggest source of support; they want us to be happy and fulfilled. Listen to them.
14. Does your relationship encourage individual experiences, growth, and change?
In other words, is your partner pushing you out of your comfort zone in a positive way and encouraging you to do things independently and outside of the relationship? Or are they isolating you and keeping you away from those sorts of experiences? If it's the latter, that is not good at all. Isolation is a clear sign of toxicity.
15. Does your relationship add stress or help relieve it?
Plain and simple: It should help relieve it. Your relationship should be your safe space. If it's adding a lot of stress to your life, ask yourself why that is and if you can do anything to change it. If you're feeling like there's nothing to be done, then you know it's become toxic.
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