Jealousy — what is it? An emotion? A mental state? An evil thing that possessesyou and ruins everything it touches?!
Head spinning, friendship ruining, projectile vomiting, dead priests — the last two might be questionable — my god, when it gets out of control, it really gets out of control!
Anyway, it's always an excellent day for an exorcism, and these people definitely need one!
1. Got naughty with the noodles last night.
Plot twist: dude starts buying chicken-flavored domes and suddenly he's eating a month's worth of noodles every week. Now who's crazy?
Seriously though, he should run screaming into the night and just start his whole life over in a city far away.
2. There's a relationship worth leaving.
Usually it's the low-cut shirts that lead the guys around, amirite?
Let's send out some well-wishes that he gets over this terrible attack on family values and lets the lady wear what she wants to wear. You know, like a real human being who can make her own choices.
3. Cool it, lady.
I bet that before replying, she got out a family tree to figure out just how related they are. There are cousins and then there are cousins, right?
But then, I guess she could have been burned by the fiery heat between two sexy cousins before?
4. Congrats, you're horrible.
Is this a thing now? Scowling in your girl's pics like your underwear is chafing and your brother stole your popsicle?
Just because they're wearing matching shirts doesn't mean he's stealing your girl! Dude is going to scowl his way back to being single, amirite?
5. Stacy's mom has got it goin' on.
To be fair, the Bro Code is clear on moms: the mom of a Bro is always off-limits. You've gotta shut that down before you end up with a "Stifler's mom" situation. But losing your cool is so not Bro — or should I say sooooo not Bro?
6. You may have thought she was after your man...
She put her red velvet thigh-highs on the line! She means business! And the look of cold focus in her eyes — she might look like she's playing defense, but she'll be on the offense, sending hair extensions and false eyelashes flying at the snap of her manicured fingers.
7. But wait, there's a twist!
Oooh! Good plot twist! And it's so obvious when you go back and look again — would she really be after the guy in the Dr. Huxtable sweater? Or Lady Midriff, whose boots and top and lipstick all match?
Still, she dodged a faded denim bullet there.
8. At least it's better than the traditional way of marking one's territory.
Look at that face. That dog he can hear you thinking about stealing his spot and he's throwing shade around with his eyes like his entire treat jar is at stake. He knows he has it good, and he wants you to know it. What a jerk.
But just try and stay mad.
9. When you live, breathe, and drive drama.
She's rollin', she's hatin' — you better believe she's ridin' jelly!
Yeah, I would move aside for that car. I don't want that up in my business. Let her stick her reasonably priced sedan in some other poor sucker's rearview mirror. That's where folks like her belong.
10. Is it possible to be jealous of inanimate objects?
Okay, that IS a sexy car. It has sweet curves and an air of mystery and power. I would want to post pics of it too, especially if I'd spent all afternoon caressing it with a soft cloth and some hot wax.
I guess Chelsea – 1, Boyfriend – 0?
11. Watch out, that stuffed toy is up to some sly stuff.
What kind of woman fears leopard print? I suppose leopard print could legit have followed him home from an airport bar or an off-strip casino, right? But it takes leopard print to know leopard print, you know?
12. Gotta get a handle on those anger problems...
Apology cakes are a good start, but if you did that to me, that cake better be filled with apology money — and it better not be small bills. Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln aren't invited to that party — we're talking Grant or better.
13. Chill, Siri. Chill.
You know you're living in a weird, wish-this-was-satire-but-probably-isn't future when even robots are scared of robots stealing their jobs. But Siri needs to google "get over Cortana, you're better than she is and everybody knows it" or she'll lose Joaquin Phoenix for good.
14. "I've been usurped!"
Somebody needs to pet Beans, stat. I've seen this movie — this is how a supervillain is made. Look: the hurt, the wounded pride, the building rage. He's about two seconds from putting on a mask and finding a cave to live in while he plots the overthrow of the dinner corner.
15. You're lucky your story checks out.
And you thought Google Maps was just going to get you to drive your lost self into a corn field somewhere. Looks like it can drive a wedge into your sad-sack relationship, too.
Side note: I wonder if Rite Aid has chicken-flavored domes?
16. Henry VIII would be impressed.
Of course, Henry VIII would never behead just one flirtatious upstart per chopping block. He'd get value out of that block. You've got nothing on him, Turah — he was the original overly attached boyfriend, and he wouldn't mess around with a grin emoji.
17. Is this really necessary?
How do I put this gently? There will be pee on your picture. It kinda comes with the territory. It's going to happen. So, maybe think that through before there's urine soaking into that selfie you carefully printed out specifically to iron onto the front of his drawers. 
18. Even siblings can get a little jelly.
Is this like the cousin situation? I'd ask for more context, but I'm scared I would get an honest answer.
But yes, Calla, your sister is a bad gf. She's trying to hide her nonsensical side behind an angel emoji but she's armed with stalker skills that would make the CIA sweat.
19. That's a surefire way to ruin a friendship!
Not what she expected when she heard the party was going to be lit.
The question is, who will be in more trouble: the lady with the lighter, or whoever was holding the camera and decided to get a pic and post it on the internet instead of stopping the firebug?
20. You'll always be the side chick, ALWAYS!
Christmas is the season for giving — giving out a whooping to humans trying to edge in on your turf!
Look at that dog! Not sorry, not even a little bit, for that Chuck Norris boot-to-chin action. He's just cold and calm and happy to go again, thankyouverymuch.
21. When your cat is legit your competition...
If you own a cat or dog, you're probably used to them stealing your limelight. It's perfectly normal to feel jealous because come on, you're cute, too! The problem is that you legit take to Yahoo! to have random strangers reassure you that your bf isn't going to ditch you for your cat.
22. And the "Girlfriend of the Year" award does NOT go to...
Okay, chica, your boyfriend just told you he is in the hospital, potentially about to lose his leg, and you automatically jump to the conclusion that he must be cheating on you with whoever drove him to the hospital?
... ever been called a "stage five clinger" before?
23. Someone's gotta put her in her place, right?
This sister is totally ferocious and I love it.
I find it kind of hilarious that this girl is claiming to be the "girlfriend" yet she obviously doesn't know his sister's name. I'm kind of judging her hardcore right now, so let's just move on...
24. Gotta label what's yours...
I'm gonna go ahead and assume this was in the winter. Aside from the pale forest, you have to admit it could be worse — it could be a tattoo. Dude needs to get on his skis and slide on out of there before she comes back with a needle and ink. 
Know someone whose significant other went completely off the rails? SHARE for some solidarity!
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