1. Just in case you missed it, he's taken.
2. You can look, but don't you dare touch.
Actually, don't look either.
3. Does insurance cover angry ex-girlfriends?
4. Quick, someone go warn Abby!
6. Foreshadowing...
7. If you can read this, it's already too late.
8. You are truly damned if you do and damned if you don't.
9. His alibi seems to check out.
He's in the clear, but he may want to proceed with caution.
10. When having a girlfriend is a bigger time commitment than you thought.
11. No excuses.
12. This type of shit only works if you're Chrissy Teigen.
14. Any boyfriend of mine can expect this text on the regular.
15. Run as fast as you can and never look back!
16. Finally, a sixth sense that I wouldn't mind having.
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