13 Expectations Vs. Reality Of Married People

Weddings are a big deal people. Most men don't realize that, I guess, because the entire thing kind of revolves around the bride. Don't feel bad — we're completely fine with that, trust me. The point I'm trying to make is that many women start planning their dream wedding when they're still little girls and the most romantic thing a boy has done for them is throw a rock at their head. True, many of the things they cook up at six or seven years old won't actually happen on the big day itself, but what matters is that these events really are a big deal.

What both men and women tend to forget as the day looms ever closer is that while the wedding itself WILL be the most important day of your lives FOR THE GUESTS, for the two of you, your life together is just beginning. When the confetti and rice is swept up, the drunk uncles hauled away and the honeymoon sex is over, you're going to (hopefully) spend the rest of your lives with that other person, and believe me, the things you think are going to take place in that life are a little different than the way you're picturing them right now, knawmean?

1. "One ring to bring his balls, and in the darkness, bind them!"

2. "BRIDESMAIDS, BRO!"

Every guy, whether he admits it or not, has this theory about every wedding he goes to. It is, in fact, the only reason we DO go.

3. Our House, Our Rules!

"Once we live together, we can do all the sexy, romantic things we want!"

4. SMOKIN'!

"We can have all your friends over for BBQs, babe!"

5. Being Together All The Time Is Going To Be Great!

"Oh, you just wait until we get home, I swear to DOG!"

6. Actually...Maybe Time Apart Is A Good Thing!

"What the hell, Gary? You said you'd be home on Sunday!"
"It IS Sunday, Karen!"

"OF LAST WEEK!"

7. Boy, Oh Boy, I Can't Wait To Get Home!

"No time for a beer boys, gotta get home to the wife!"

8. I Just Want To Be Safe In Your Arms At Night!

"Woman, I swear to God, if you don't start sharing those damn blankets..."

9. We'll Stay Fit For Each Other!

No. No you won't.

10. "We'll Have The Greatest Family Ever!"

None of them will ever be arrested for grand larceny. Never!

11. "We'll Solve our Problems Like Adults"

"And you see, Karen, as my PowerPoint has surely proved, we should be having sex at least 13 times a week!"

12. I'll Never Take You For Granted

"95% of the time you're my favorite person. The other 5%, well..."

13. We'll Represent Each Other Well At Work Functions

"I am classy! I AM! I don't care what Tina from accounting thinks, Gary!"

Main image via Imgism

Collage image via Winkal