If you've ever had a panic attack when questioned about your goals, or blanked when asked why you wanted to work for the company, you will relate deeply to these 15 struggles. Maybe you'll even glean some do and don't tips for your next interview!
1. When you forget to make your social media accounts private
2. It's hard enough getting the interview, and that's the easy part
3. Finding a profile picture that is appropriate for employers' eyes
If I crop out whisky bottles and the scrotum, I have a 250 x 250 pixel thumbnail of half my face, but it will have to do.
4. When every question related to ambitions, achievements, and aptitude kills your soul a little more
My ambition is to crawl back into the womb and escape this existence forever.
5. When they ask about your strongest skill and you have to find that fine line between honesty and self-sabotage
I can do some really interesting stuff with my extra skin folds.
6. When it's over, it's still not over
It takes 30 minutes to find your way out of the building, but it will take you three days to escape the personal hell you're about to create by re-hashing everything you should have said but didn't in the past hour.
7. The awkward small talk at the beginning of the interview
8. Asking those important but uncomfortable questions at the end of the interview
What is your policy about creating nap caves under desks? Fire hazard or no?
9. Separating your personal persona from your professional persona
I really wish I hadn't gone straight to anal when they asked me to describe a time when I had to adapt to a unfamiliar process.
10. Getting out of the job hunter groove and into interview mode
Do you think a Snuggy could pass as business casual if it's gray?
11. The verbal diarrhea that occurs when you're asked an open-ended question
Once I was asked what management style I thrived under. Five minutes later I listened to myself conclude my answer by making an analogy between chicken nuggets and critical thinkers.
12. Irrational anxiety over what to expect.
13. The pain of having multiple interviewers
Unlike you, this pigeon is blessed with weird side-head bird eyes and can maintain eye contact with both interviewers
14. What are my aspirations? To not live like a peasant and one day eat something other than ramen and Cheez Whiz
Oh, and also to be a loyal butt-kissing yes man in this great corporate culture you have here!
15. When you stretch the truth on your resume and it comes back to bite you
When I say proficient in Excel, I mean I can create a column.
16. By the end of it I have to pee, my mouth is pasty, I can't string together a proper sentence, my pants are cutting into my gut from the stress bloating, and I smell like stale cheesy bread
I also probably didn't get the barista job because the other guy had a PhD. I don't know who I feel more sorry for.
Collage image via imgur / peachesanscream
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