How To Build A Relationship That Really Lasts

When I was a little girl, I didn't believe in fairy tales. 

I didn't believe in a love that lasts, that endures, that survives. 

I didn't believe two people could be together, happily, forever after.

I watched marriages disintegrate all around me as I wondered: Why? What went wrong?

As I matured, I entered into many relationships that fell apart. I saw my family, friends, and co-workers do the same.

I lost hope...and then I realized that all along, I wasn't really too far off the mark: fairy tales are faulty, love doesn't simply last forever after, and some marriages were never meant to be. 

The truth is: to have a lasting love that brings happiness into your life takes dedicated work — on the daily. To sustain those feels and grow together takes commitment, effort, and a strong desire to be together against all the odds. A lasting love is something you build.

Here are just some of the endless ways to make it work for the long haul: 

Share your ideas on how to make love last in the COMMENTS. 

1. Talk About — And Continue To Do — The Things You Love

The things you love are an essential part of what makes you "you." These are the things that came before your relationship, the things that sustained you and gave you purpose. Many people are quick to let these fall by the wayside in the name of new love, but this actually really hurts relationships later on. 

Why? Because one day, when things get rough and tough, you'll feel like you've left a part of yourself behind. At that point, many people leave the relationship to regain that lost sense of self. They sacrifice one for the other. Don't let this happen to you. 

If you want a relationships that really lasts: hang onto the things you love and share these things with the one you love. You may just find you end up loving both even more.

2. Be Completely Honest 

When you're new into a relationship, you may find yourself skirting around some serious issues, not expressing your full feelings, or pretending to like (or dislike) things you really don't. This is a recipe for disaster. Sure, it can land you into a relationship, but it won't be one that lasts because it's built on deceit. 

If you want a relationship that really lasts: let the person fall in love with the real you. This is how you build something strong together. 

3. Allow Room For Mistakes

I'm sure I don't need to remind you of this, but nothing in life — absolutely nothing — is perfect. So it's completely unrealistic for your partner to be perfect, right? Right. So logic holds that at one time or another in your long-lasting relationship, your partner is going to let you down. It might be small, it might be major, but it will happen. And when it does, you have a choice of letting it destroy the bond or using the experience to help build a stronger one. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: you need to talk about both of your imperfections and learn to forgive each other for falling short sometimes. 

4. Take Interest

You may not be fascinated by every single thing your partner does, but showing interest is still important. It shows you care. It shows you want to be a part of their life. It shows you can put your own stuff on hold for a few too. These things, over the years, mean everything to building a strong relationship. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: ask questions, follow up, and remember the little things. 

5. Fight Fair

First, know this: fighting is totally normal. People fight because they care. However, the way you fight says a lot about the potential of your relationship. Couples who fight fair are couples who fight calmly and take time to really communicate their feelings. Couples who don't fight fair are quick to blame, insult, and judge their partner. This is a sure-fire way to end up alone. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: understand that every time you fight, you're actually fighting for the life of your relationship. Be kind. 

6. Let It Go

I'm not talking about shaking it off, I'm talking about actively actually letting things go. When you fight, deal with the issue then and there: no matter how big or small. If you simply decide you're tired of fighting and try to put it to rest, it will pop up later on — guaranteed. Do you really want to be arguing about the same things five, ten, or even 30 years from now? No, I didn't think so. 

When the same argument keeps coming up, partners feel unheard, unappreciated, and frustrated beyond belief. They feel like they are not moving forward together, and they're really not. This is when people tend to leave. 

So, to have a relationship that really lasts: actually let things go. To do this will require a lot of solid communication and an understanding about #3 and #5. 

7. Do New Things Together

Once couples get comfortable, they can easily get stuck in their cozy routines. This is when they stop challenging each other and pushing each other out of their comfort zones. This is where growth stops. This is where the blame game comes into play as well. Because let's face it: we may love the idea of sitting back in our sweats together until the end of time, but when years drift by and you two still haven't made any headway on your #couplegoals, you'll likely look to the other person as the reason why. You will feel held back by the comforting coziness. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: you need to continue to have new experiences together.

8. Be Individuals 

When we couple up, we have this tendency to forget our former selves. We morph into one entity and this comes largely at the expense of our individual selves: the people our partners fell in love with in the first place. So as much as you want may want to be with your love every second of every day, establishing alone time early on is a non-negotiable key to a long-lasting relationship.

 This alone time can be just for you or perhaps you and your friends, family, pets...whatever. The important thing isn't what you do with this time, but rather that you have a chance to be your individual self outside the relationship. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: plan alone time and stick to it. This will keep your sense of self healthy and strong, which is crucial to having a healthy, strong, and long-lasting relationship. 

9. Tell Them What You Want 

To have a shot at a solid relationship, you need to know what you want. To have a shot at a relationship that actually lasts, you need to actually tell your partner what you want. This is the only way to ensure your relationship is fulfilling long-term. Keeping quiet serves no purpose here. 

So, if you want a relationship that lasts: speak up. 

10. Learn To Really Listen

If you're the type of person that thinks about how to respond when the other person is still talking, this is a very important point for you to overcome. If you're already thinking about what to say in response, you're already assuming and only half-listening at best. Quiet the mind while your partner is talking — it's the only way to really hear them. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: let your partner speak to you, listen intently, and then think of your response when they've finished their point. 

This way you get the full story and can give a much more thoughtful response. This is how relationships grow stronger over time. 

11. Keep It Between The Two Of You 

I know it's tempting to run to your family or friends for advice (and every now and then this is fine), but the most intimate parts of your relationship really should stay between the two of you. Every other person you let in will have an opinion based upon their own experiences, which have nothing to do with your unique relationship. These opinions can work to either fuel or fan the fire, but ultimately, they're not coming from you. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: talk to you partner and keep the private things private. 

12. Laugh Often 

Laughter is seriously one of the best things about being alive. It nourishes us from the inside out. It washes away our stresses. It helps us cope. These are all things we want from our relationships, and we can get them with a good dose of laughter. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: laugh it off. Don't take things too seriously. 

13. Show Appreciation

Let me just be straight here: even if you have the sweetest, nicest, most amazing partner, if you never let them know how much the things they do mean to you, they will eventually feel totally taken for granted. Everyone has a limit when it comes to this. When you acknowledge the little (or big) things your partner does, you signal your appreciation to them and reinforce that behavior. You remind them that the things they do truly matter. This is how you keep those good feels going for years and years. 

So if you want a relationship that lasts: mind your manners and show your appreciation. 

14. Encourage Goals 

Couples who last are couples who have common goals for the future and who support each other's individual goals as well. Both of these things are equally important. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: encourage and support those goals! 

15. Share Your Personal Problems 

You may be tempted to hide the darker side of your reality, but this doesn't do your relationship any good at all. A lifetime of love is a really long time and in those years, things are bound to come up. Being open and honest from the get-go is your best bet to having a relationship that lasts. This way, when things do come up, like anxiety or depression or perhaps a fallout with a friend that still affects you, your partner is on the same page and can better support you. 

If you want a relationship that lasts: hide nothing. The right person for you will be there through it all...you just need to give them the chance. 

Always remember that long-lasting love takes work. You need to really want to be with this person through the ups and downs that life will inevitably bring.